I got hooked on crossword puzzles about seven years ago. I went crossword puzzle crazy for a while and had to cut back; however, I sat down last night with a nice cup of tea and the crossword from yesterday’s newspaper, and relaxed a little. If you’ve been hesitant to do a crossword puzzle, because of all the crossword puzzle related deaths in the media, relax. Most crossword puzzle injuries are not fatal, and can be treated by your primary care physician through non-invasive treatments.
Here are some helpful tips on getting started if you are new to crosswords.
- Always use a pen. Crossword puzzles can smell fear at least 45 inches away. Don’t try an “erasable pen” either, as this will just anger the puzzle because it will rightly assume you think it doesn’t know the difference. If you make a mistake, look the puzzle squarely in the ACROSS header and say, “Oh, now you think you’re better than me? Do ya?”
- Almost all crossword puzzles are created with a theme in mind. Sometimes they are clever, and often they are so mind-numbingly stupid, that you will be forced to take the crossword outside, soak it in camp stove fuel and light it on fire. “Burn, baby, burn!! HAHAHA!” Anyway…, look for a theme to help you solve some of the clues.
- Have a cup of coffee or tea handy. Sip your drink slowly and confidently. This will show the crossword puzzle that it does not frighten you, and you are ready to kick its paper butt at your leisure.
- If you are new to crosswords, start with the one in the Monday paper. This will be the easiest puzzle of the week. Seriously.
I hope this helps prevent those tragic crossword attacks the liberal media loves to report. Remember, the black areas are for crossword office use only, and if you get stuck, write oslo. That will usually be right.